Oh, in a haze of Ketel One and confusion She finds herself alone in a frat house Where the president is a guy she used to bone Oh no, there she goes Down the boulevard after getting lucky In a dress she wore last night Which she described as "sophisticated-slutty" Tragic and it's sad, it's tragic and it's sad And the traffic starts to laugh at the girl who's magic in the sack High heels and lowered self-esteem A perfect combo in a college freshman's dream Mascara smeared across her cheeks After a night of rolling around in the sheets Give a round of applause to the girl just because She finally made it home when suddenly Who is that she sees in the distance? Blake from the other night You think she would've learned her lesson by now But let's start all over again

Woo! Ladies and gentlemen You better stand up before you get stomped on Cuz we about to light this shit up It's time for The Revue II! This that Hot Chocolate Party shit! This that Hot Chocolate Party shit! This that Hot Chocolate Party shit! Y'all don't even know what's coming. Let's go! Welcome back to the party, baby, invitation only Get excited cuz you know Hot Chocolate Party got the gig now Conquering kingdoms while you watchin’ the throne Who knew that rapping ‘bout Shrinkage could get you so damn big now? Unnh, this that H-C-P baby Unnh, this that H-C-P baby Unnh, this that H-C-P baby Get it goin’ now, unnh, unnh, get it goin’ now, unnh, unnh Call me Leonidas, cuz I got 300 Views on my videos, yea this shit is widespread Michaelman’s a virus, address him as your highness Now go and tell your friends, and in return you’re gettin’ silence Of the lambs, girl, the Party is back with some jams, girl Yeah, we taking this shit to the toilet, the rapping equivalent of Comic Sans, girl Call the Wonder Twins, latest track got 2 hits (2 hits) Call it Luck, after all, this that Indy shit Got more subs than Jared tryna lose weight Pardon me, like the President and Watergate Translated, baby, I am successful I am successful! Got a comment on a video once, ha, never read it Firm believer in karma, bitch, forever Reddit Getting more downvotes than a Senate bill I’m in the red, no Magmar or Weepinbell Got so many views, they call me Terms and Conditions You think I kid? Nahh, go ‘head and call a pediatrician Yeah bitch I’m cutting all these dicks off, overdue circumcision It’s time for the album of the century, second edition, OK So many fans, it’s like I live in Arizona, mann So hot I’m literally at risk of melanomas, mann Nobody sees my shit, it’s like they got glaucoma, mann You think they’d smell me tho, releasing rank aromas, mann Got so many followers, it’s like I’m Scientology Unfortunately, it’s like these people follow Scientology So many people audibly describe me as a wannabe Little do they know that I do it all in the name of comedy I’m gettin’ 5 star reviews when they’re out of 10 I’m getting 10s only when its a percent, getting Two thumbs up when I ask if I should stop, but you know I’ll Never stop till I’m at the top, now let them drummers stomp, I’m wearing 3 piece suits and velvet, no more multicolored sweaters Bitches tryin’ to rate my shit, best they can do’s a scarlet letter Take a seat, it’s time to listen to this number one endeavor And ain’t nothing you can do, cuz I am successful

Boys and girls Take a seat, time for show-and-tell Gotta talk about a living angel that Made my education such a living hell Alright Alright Alright Let us begin 7th grade, homeroom, 1st period Surrounded by girls dealing with 1st periods Book reports on the Odyssey and Iliad Eating cold pizza in this wretched cafeteria Following the leader, anything but academic Cuz every day I’m here, it’s feeling like an epidemic Ducking outta class, gotta get a drink of water I’m feeling hopeless in my eventual alma mater When out the corner of my eye, what did I see? A perfect 10 model walking right toward me It didn’t matter she was giving me detention Cuz I was more than happy to be held in suspension Of disbelief, how could it be Such a sophisticated momma was a member of the faculty Kinda ironic she’s professor of anatomy When she got the finest body in the academy Yeah, I was gone, but when I left I can’t remember The boy that I used to be, the man that’s in front of me, and When I’m in front of you, I just lose my cool, I drool You’re the perfect creature, my hot teacher Let us continue High school, now on junior varsity Having to deal with all the senior animosity Already thinking ‘bout my future university And how to get this educator into my fraternity Cuz she’s the only one to make me shout “My lord” As she be writing our assignments on the whiteboard Send me to the principal, for disappointing principles The way she gives my homework back, I feel invincible Writing numbers on the wall, supposed to add up all of those But all I really wanna do is subtract the clothes Because this feeling in my heart, it’s elementary And I’ve been crushin’ on this broad since elementary Cuz what we have is a 4.0, you see Because we aced our examination of chemistry And pretty soon we’ll be lining up for graduation Because we already nailed our physical education She’s the queen, I’m her knight, she’s the essay I would write She’s the apple of my eye and I just wanna take a bite If you ask what is my major, I would say it is her flavor My hot teacher I promise, girl, I’m not a fool After all, you’re the one teaching me in school But what the hell am I supposed to do When there’s 23 of me and only one of you? I promise, girl, I’m not a fool After all, you’re the one teaching me in school (Singing super quiet now) But what the hell am I supposed to do (Singing super quiet now) When there’s 23 of me and only one of you? She’s my rock, she’s my roll, she’s my dancer, I’m her pole She’s my science project, this volcano’s ‘bout to overflow I didn’t know what beauty was until she sat next to me on the bleachers Smelling like sunshine, she so fine, breathing that ether, yeah, she’s my hot teacher (She gimme nothing but D’s, I give her nothing but these!) I know you all got one You got that teacher everybody calls the hot one I know you all got one You got that teacher everybody calls the hot one

Baby, I gotta tell you ‘bout something It’s something deep inside of me, it’s everything I ever need, oh It’s a feeling that you get, it’s indescribable, and girl you know I got it bad, yes, I got it bad, baby And don’t you know, unnh, yeah don’t you know, darling Ain’t nothing can compare to when I’m sittin’ and I’m starin’ and (holding it in…) When I’m waiting at my bank (Holding it in) Filling up my gas tank (Holding it in) When I’m voting in the primaries (Holding it in) When I’m shopping for my groceries (Holding it in) When I’m playing on the seesaw (Holding it in) Skydiving in freefall (Holding it in) When I’m sitting in traffic (Holding it in) Yeah I’m getting graphic when I’m (Holding it in) Yeah, you gotta pay attention (pay attention) You gotta face reality when you gotta use the facilities It’s a feeling I’m suppressin’ when there ain’t a convenient restroom And it’s bubblin’, bubblin’, bubblin’ up, bubblin’, bubblin’, bubblin’ up Oh it’s troublin’, troublin’, troublin’, yup, it’s troublin’, troublin’, troublin’, yup Ain’t nothing else quite like it, oh when everything inside ya is (holding it in…) When I’m sitting down for supper (Holding it in) Waking up in a dumpster (Holding it in) When I’m walking through the desert (Holding it in) When I shop at the *Baby Gap* (Holding it in) When I’m riding on the subway (Holding it in) When I’m eating at Subway (Holding it in) When i’m lighting up a fire (Holding it in) Girl it’s gettin’ dire when I’m (Holding it in) I'm holding it in, damn right, I'm holding it in It ain’t N-B-D when you got yourself an S-B-D Say it with me now, N-B-D when you got yourself an S-B-D Yeah, girl, people actin’ crazy, like it’s One of the seven sins when you’re avoiding breaking wind Oh you prayin’ there ain’t no accident as a result of excessive flatulence Cuz you got it bad, oh you got it bad, baby And don’t you know, oh don’t you know, darling Oh to put your mind at ease, you gotta sometime cut the cheese and stop (holding it in…) When I’m standing in an elevator Someone behind me on an escalator When I’m meeting my birth mom Performing yoga in Downward Dog When I’m driving in a hot car When I’m waiting for my popcorn When I’m heading to the studio When I shoot a new video When I’m singin’ karaoke Dressin’ up like Loki When I’m checking my e-mail Taking pictures with Joel McHale When I’m on that first date When I’m checkin’ out MySpace Getting photos developed Girl, I just can’t help it when I’m (Holding it in)

Let’s bring it back, back to the basics Past 3 months, living in the Matrix Thinking all’s good, but let’s face it Counting down till you’re back on your spaceship (3, 2, 1) Freaking out over little things, damn babe Like the time that you found that videotape Like the time that you caught me on the fire escape And when I mentioned you were kinda, sorta outta shape It just seems like you’re looking for a problem Like when I said, without makeup, you a goblin My precious, why you so solemn? You’re my Gabourey, and I’m Gollum I don’t know why I’m always on the defense It’s like you thinking there’s some sort of pretense It’s just too much, baby doll, to comprehend But understand, I’m a #1 Boyfriend I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way to go I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way, but Why-y-y-y am I always cryin’ every single ti-i-ime? I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way to go Take a seat, lemme tell you bout my baby girl Cute face, good shape, she my whole world Hot thang in a tiny little black dress I be mountin’ so much she call me Everest Under sheets so much, she a victim Other ladies try to play me, she evict ‘em Only problem is she wanna hear 4 words I ain’t one to commit, keep a line blurred So what if we’re goin’ on 4 years? So what if I’m goin’ on 4 beers? You know you love me, ya 1-4-3 So why you hatin’? Ultimatums? Stop playin’ me The solution to your delusion is simple Get Proactive, no more pimples Can’t stop, won’t stop stalkin’ ya Facebook Calm ya’ ass down while we take it back to the hook I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way to go I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way, but Why-y-y-y am I always cryin’ every single ti-i-ime? I know, I know, I know, we’ve such a long, long way to go And if you leave me, you take away the muse of my music I might just lose it, so guide me through this Don't wanna find another that can light my fuses But we both know that I can do it, don't be stupid Talking bout "you don't know what wonderful is" Wonderful is you don't know that I'm a son of a bitch Under the covers like a lover's abyss Then back to you in the kitchen for a couple of mins, yeah But baby you know that worst to worst you got me And I got you, and her, and her, but Word comes first when I get around to you You couldn't hurt to burn a couple pounds, do ya? But this is better than it's ever been, it's evident that You and me forever is the destiny I better win But if you have to leave me with all of this emptiness I hope that we can still be friends...with benefits

Take a listen to this story, Mr. Y in all his glory He's walking door to door, more than God's work in store No Jehovah but take witness, that he's tryna sell some business God's gift to the bedroom fitness, only take him seven minutes Positioned up like yoga, nickname in the sheets "hungover" Cuz his head makes you ache, that sex like supernova Mr. Y is chargin' fair, he does it quick with care On that Richard Branson swag, cuz he's fucking virgin heirs How else is he gon' pay 4 years UCLA? Well-endowed, Mickey D's, we gon' have it your way Fast & Furious, Paul Walker, using the force, young Skywalker Cuz it's Westwood to Point Loma, giving D to get diploma Can I offer some advice? Take a listen to this guy It's the wrong and it's the right It's the legend of Mr. Y Still living on the streets, using trash cans for beats This legend plays for keeps, and does the deed for eats Took sight of a wild flier, found something to desire Spring Sing set the room on fire, and then reworked the choir He killed it, little Bruin, left the crowd all up in ruins Cuz the epic Crosswalk anthem in 2 weeks went platinum Mr. Y now runs the school, like Luke's hand, he keeps it cool No more sex to pay the bills, just Girl #5 and Shrinkage thrills Oh it's difficult to describe But I'll give it the college try It's the daytime, it's the night It's the legend of Mr. Y Now his story made history, Finding Nemo, he got Dory And he's all about the flag, now he fucking just for glory Now what's the lesson learned, nothing's given, only earned No rock is left unturned, one day success will be confirmed It's the punishment of the crime In this world of wicked lies It's the darkness, it's the light It's the legend of Mr. Y Oh before we say goodnight Won't you try this on for size? Take a seat and roll the dice It's the legend of Mr. Y It's the wrong and it's the right It's the daytime, it's the night Take a seat and roll the dice It's the legend of Mr. Y

(Nostalgia is cruel….an old rock can seem like a jewel… Even though there was rain…I only remember…sunny days with you) (B-I-N-G-E, B-I-N-G-E) (B-I-N-G-E, B-I-N-G-E) Cold November morning, pouring rain outside What a way to waste a weekend, no relief in sight (no relief in sight) But in the back of your mind, you remember a digital vendor A streaming Avalon, Mecca of media Heaven of content available, so convenient (so convenient) It’s like they already know you’re alone and you’re ready for what’s in store Anything you want, watch it instantly From the Avengers to the Dragon Tattoo trilogy A couple episodes, just to pass the time Until there’s once again (sunny days with you) How could anybody live without this luxury? (This luxury) Throughout our history, simply the most important discovery (A discovery) A gift from up above, episodes starting up automatically (Automatically) From dusk until the dawn, you better know that I’ll be Basking In Netflix Glory Everyday Suddenly you’re awake, wondering where you are You’ve got a beard, your home is cleared, they repossessed your car (they repossessed your car) Your family has moved on, and your friends are all gone, getting married The last thing you remember, the pilot of The League You’re all caught up, it’s not enough, collection incomplete (collection incomplete) It’s been picked up for more episodes and you know that it’s hopeless Plowing through 7 seasons, of classic 30 Rock Ironic now you missed 4 seasons, go reset your clocks Thinking so innocent, assuming self-control But now you’re longing for those (sunny days with you) How many plans have been ruined because of this atrocity? (This atrocity) The paying customers are cheated into poverty (Into poverty) What’s a neverending queue doing to our humanity? (Our humanity) A universal problem, millions of people Basking In Netflix Glory Everyday (B.I.N.G.E.) Basking in Netflix glory everyday (B.I.N.G.E.) Basking in Netflix glory everyday (B.I.N.G.E.) Baskin’ like robbins, introvert problems (B.I.N.G.E.) Basking in Netflix glory everyday Oh, look, they’ve got How I Met Your Mother. How’d I miss that? Episode one….

Baby girl, I was 9, you were 17 and fine You were looking after me, always having best of times Shakespeare outdated, love was upgraded Never missed a birthday, nothing happy belated $25 a night, piggybank getting tight But I’ll keep mowing lawns if it keeps you in my sight, nah Money over bitches, nah, money for my honey, yeah Cuz everytime we meet, sky’s a little more sunny Always and forever, but our parents say never The way we disguised it was oh-so-clever Robbing the cradle, the moral of this little fable, pay the Cash upfront, love under the table My babysitter, she’s a pretty cool lady Type of girl, like to get crazy Nah, she ain’t sittin’ on babies No, no, no, no (2x) Gotta Full House, Danny Tanner Moves like Jesse, pardon my manners Now I’m falling fast, love like quicksand Got addicted, gotta get my fix, man My boys doggin’ me, saying that I’m gonna fail But throw me a bone, I got no need to chase tail Seabiscuit, expecting me to win the race Like Popov, I’m all about the chase Like Jordans, my bitches covered in lace Call me Hoover, cuz I’m tryna suck face Like a bad check, myself I had a void But being WITH YOU, I’m always overjoyed Noise outside, I’m getting paranoid Approaching the house, a man on steroids Thought it was true love, work of Cupid But since he came over, I feel so stupid Man, you let her do you like that. She played you man. I was 9 dude, gimme a break. Alright, well what'd you do? Sit down. Lemme tell you. Sent to bed early, broken hearted Time for damn payback, revenge plot started 9-1-1, said, “Help! A stranger” “Like a White Rhino, I’m endangered” As they messed around, I turned out the power Cuz little did they know they hit the darkest hour Looking out the window, cops pulling in Like Bane to Batman, “Let the games begin” Police bust in, yeah, with dogs and guns Two of ‘em popped up, dude tried to run As the dude got caught, out popped a bag It was full of white powder and some dirty rag And his ass got cuffed and sent to jail But in 10 to 15 he got a chance for bail So the bitch got fired and she on parole Now it’s on to the next, I’m back in control

I am a dog I am a dog This that new dog flow, unnh call it puppy love, puppy love This that new dog flow, unnh Yo open the door, I need to shit Need to get outside and drop myself a deuce Tear up chair cushions and pillows, and I don’t need no excuse All the people love me, man, yeah, they tossing ‘round the word “cuddly” Your face is scaring folks, man, they fucking call ya pugly I’m such a Bruiser man, I’m almost a Chihuahua Keep it all so fresh, you call me Baja Spayed like David, can’t have no relations Otherwise, I probably got 101 dalmatians Getting spooked so much you call me Courage Ain’t nobody coming inside my house, like the Purge Talking up the ladies, you could say that I was foxxin’ the hound Hoping to take her on an incredible journey, homeward bound Chasing tail all day, you only chasing your own That was a good one, so fucking gimme a bone Yeah, they callin’ me the finest of the canine I’m a solid ten inches……ok, 9 Changing my pad so much you think I got a time of the month It take me that long beggin’ for a piece of your lunch Throwing the ball, way down the hall, man, Gretchen Weiners Leave your Gucci sandals out, I’ll take ya to the cleaners I hear that T-R-E-A-T, you know I’m freaking out, I’m going rabid, man, the next Cujo See a squirrel outside, you know I go insane A jack/poodle in the streets but in the sheets I’m like a Great Dane All these haters tho, tryna get on my level You mess with me, you get the same fate as Old Yeller I’m doin’ everything, you live a year, I’m livin’ seven And lemme tell ya, this dog ain’t goin’ to heaven I like to google for doodles of oodles of poodles eating noodles and strudel, it’s futile, the whole kit and caboodle I’m blowin’ up man, might as well call me Clifford Who you callin’ runt? Looks to me like you’re the litter To any haters left, sayin’ I’m a nobody Are ya sure man? They call me Mr. Peabody You in the doghouse, I’m on top, call me Snoopy Misunderstood, I’m the Shaggy Dog, call me Scooby Take my tennis ball, you barking up the wrong tree Go for kisses, get squat, just like when I pee House-trained, no chains, pure-bred pedigree Bitch you gettin' schooled, now you’re waiting for your pet degree Walk in the door, owners holding up a doggy bag Got the competition holding white flags, only thing Faster than my rhymes is my leg when it itches Anybody try to bite me, and you end up in stitches I call my bitches bitches cuz they actually bitches I call my bitches bitches cuz they actually (EVERYBODY SING) I call my bitches bitches cuz they actually bitches I call my bitches bitches, hey

Lemme tell you ‘bout a place on the West End (West End) Where the drinks so cold and refreshing (freshing) It’s a Mexican grill, it’s an edible thrill Might as well be my bank, droppin’ twenty dollar bills It’s a modern day heaven that’ll leave you amazed Where oblivious animals are naturally raised Food with integrity, taste so incredibly Keepin’ it a secret like I just commit a felony We (we) are (are) Ordering burrito bowls Damn right, goin’ down the line From the beans to the rice with cilantro lime Are we gonna eat it here? No we’re gonna take it to go Cuz I got my Netflix at the pad Gonna see if Orange really is the New Black, ey You’re eating your burrito, ingredients start to go You never know what to do when it all falls out You think you’re losing control, but girl it’s all-natural You never know what to do when it all falls You know it’s goin’ be OK, you got yourself Chipotle You never know what to do when it all falls out You know it’s goin’ be OK, you got yourself Chipotle You never know what to do That was my lunch, and this is my dinner Gotta double up, now I’m feelin’ like a winner My homeboys servin’ up fresh tortillas Ya Taco Bell ass is servin’ diarrhea Chicken so fresh, bout to put me in a coma Same with the steak, but I’ll pass on barbacoa And I gotta ask the girl, “What the hell’s “sofritas?” She got no clue, don’t put in my burritahhs We (we) are (are) Ordering burrito bowls Don’t toss your little red basket Unless you wanna eat your last burrito in a casket Are we gonna eat it here? No we’re gonna take it to go Cuz I gotta get back to work And it took me half an hour just to walk here (worth it) You’re eating your burrito, ingredients start to go You never know what to do when it all falls out You think you’re losing control, but girl it’s all-natural You never know what to do when it all falls You know it’s goin’ be OK, you got yourself Chipotle You never know what to do when it all falls out You know it’s goin’ be OK, you got yourself Chipotle You never know what to do Alright, now it’s been brought to my attention that some of y’all ain’t even been to Chipotle before. So it’s time to put down your quinoa and kale, stop eating like a gerbil and have yourself a real meal. But clearly your judgment’s impaired if this only your first time. So we got a little cheat sheet for ya, goes something like this. Brown rice, pinto beans, double steak, make no mistake Mild salsa, cheese and lettuce, guac’s a little extra, hey! I think you got it. But we gotta keep this line moving now, cuz I’m gettin’ a little impatient. Daddy’s gotta get his quesarito. (1 2 3) Brown rice, pinto beans, double steak, make no mistake Mild salsa, cheese and lettuce, guac’s a little extra, hey! Brown rice, pinto beans, double steak, make no mistake Mild salsa, cheese and lettuce, guac’s a little extra, hey! Brown rice, pinto beans, double steak, make no mistake Mild salsa, cheese and lettuce, guac’s a little extra, hey! Brown rice, pinto beans, double steak, make no mistake Mild salsa, cheese and lettuce, guac’s a little extra, hey! That’s it. Gimme my water cup and my chips, cuz we out. See y’all tomorrow.

Yeah we party, every night, till the dawn and we hit the ground And we party, every night, damn right, we run this town Yeah we party, every night, damn right— Parrtayyy! Waking up ready to rock n’ roll, making all the money, yeah I go for gold Down to hit a club and steal the show, I’m from H-C-P, girl, don’t you know? Yeah life don’t get much better than this, stayin’ up all night, go to bed at 6 Hanging out with all my honeys, and I steal a kiss, damn right, all night, y’all know what it is, hey I know you’re gettin’ jealous, ain’t with these handsome fellas Drink all night, getting reckless, let everybody know-www I got that black book filled, with ladies, they are thrilled I got that champagne chilled, but don’t you fuckin’ spill Yeah we party, every night, till the dawn and we hit the ground And we party, every night, damn right, we run this town Yeah we party, every night, damn right! Yeah we party, every night, till the dawn and we hit the ground And we party, every night, until we hear that— INCONVENIENT DUBSTEP OK, that was unexpected, but now we’re back, we’re resurrected We making sure no girl’s rejected, if they sitting on my lap, I stand erected Yeah we gotta plan for the party tonight, you know all the girls get naughty tonight Yeah we suitin’ up like Barney tonight, serving up beer and smarties tonight I’m headed to the store, step past them sliding doors Getting alcohol to pour, everything you want and more I’m washing all my clothes, so later, I can close Take ‘em off, and I’m exposed— INCONVENIENT DUBSTEP (wait. nononononononononono) Yeah we party, every night, damn right— SON OF A BITCH Everything is good and everything is great, looking for my nightly new soul mate Taking pretty ladies out on a date, and—

Pretty lady (pretty lady) You're walking in the club You got me walking on your left side But your boyfriend's on the right side And there's no one on my left side So I'm just walking alongside you (Cuz the two of you are dating...and I have absolutely no one) Kinda crazy (kinda crazy) Say a third wheel's what makes it a tricycle Take it away, and what do you got? Got yourself a bicycle Which they say really only needs two wheels So I guess you're doing fine (No, really, you go have fun. I'll just cry into my daiquiri here at the bar) (Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number (Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover (Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club (They call me GoodYear ironically, cuz I haven't had a date in over 18 months) Maybe maybe (maybe maybe) There's a reason why they call it a tripod Three legs for a steady base Take one away, tell you what you got You only got those two legs, just like a... ...uh...human (That also was a terrible analogy that did not help my cause in any way) (Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number (Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover (Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club (Constantly riding the bitch seat in this cramped car of love) Wait a tic. This girl's looking at me. Oh my god, this girl's actually looking at me. OK now she's actually coming over, OK, alright, alright, Hoss, just be cool, just be cool...w- wait. Where's she going? Oh. OK, so, she's actual-- she's looking at her friend, that's-- an--Oh, and they're lesbians. OK. (Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number (Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover (Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club (This one goes out to all you third wheels out there. Just want you to know that you're not alone. Well...actually, you kinda are, that's... That's like the whole reason why you're the third wheel to begin with, but... Um... You get what I'm trying to say. Alright)

A wise old soul once told us all That there absolutely is no place like home That doesn’t really apply to this situation But I thought it was a clever way to start, so let’s begin it Everybody’s got a bit of hometown pride and mine’s Surrounded by water that’s as blue as the sky But that’s not sayin’ much, cuz the sky’s always gray No change between winter and a cold summer day A land of opportunity, a place you can thrive And have to fend for yourself, cuz everything closes at 5 And you can get arrested for crossing the street wrong Or publicly performing your own stomping ground love song And golf is mandatory Don’t avoid it, a crime on par with statutory Postcard kingdom, for newlyweds and nearly-deads It’s hard to comprehend, the only place on earth I’d recommend From the Boardwalk to the Grove It’s the place that I call home And if it all came crashing down tomorrow The 8-3-1’ll take me back with open arms Yes, the population is overwhelmingly senior An Early Bird-emic, with aggressive demeanors Yes every one of ‘em’s an Ebenezer Scrooge Upset that our big claim to fame is Turner and Hooch And the strip clubs are different, yes everyone knows The gentlemen flock to see the women put on more clothes The bars are nonexistent, prohibition’s still legal Our municipal pastime’s hunting down bald eagles Yes, the Central Coast is certainly unique The county’s biggest exports are colonial antiques And the education systems are admittedly flawed Entire majors are devoted to identity fraud But I love it though From the DMP way out to Fort Ord Cuz in the long run, I know this bay’s the right one And I know where I’ll end up when I am all done, 8-3-1 From the Boardwalk to the Grove It’s the place that I call home And if it all came crashing down tomorrow The 8-3-1’ll take me back with open arms

Ooh, yeah, alright now, alright now, alright now It’s the H-C-P, Hot Chocolate Partayyy, get it goin’ now, get it goin’ now Got a brand new app, baby Gonna check it out, baby It’s the hottest thing around, finding chicks that are down Fairy tale for the modern age, yea Looking for a girl who’s limber For a girl who’s quite the sinner Cuz let’s be honest here, it’s the Only reason I’m using Tinder (Swipe to the left, to the left, to the left, to the left) To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box where I swiped you (Best of the best, of the best, of the best, of the best) So what if my standards are high? If they ain’t double D’s, then ya know you gettin’ swiped Ooh, don’t you know, that we’re gone girl That we’re falling in, falling in love Oh you know, that it’s love That we’re falling in, baby She ain’t a model, so, it’s off to the left she goes That quite seductive pose, ain’t enough to wanna lose the clothes And I never message first, and when I do it’s quite rehearsed It’s a blessing and a curse, when I gotta satiate the thirst Haven’t checked my Tinder lately Gotta see who’s my new lady But it’s getting kinda weird, cuz I haven’t got a Notification in ‘bout a week and a half, babe And I’m getting kinda desperate And I’m not about to accept it Even though it’s dumb, I gotta give it a Go-o-o-oo-o-o-o-ooo-o-o-o-oooo-ooooo Got a Daffy Duck face (swipe to the right) Tanner than Full House (swipe to the right) Look so dirty, I can smell her from here Call her Pig-Pen’s sister (swipe to the right) She watch Big Bang Theory (swipe to the right) My cousin Amy (swipe to the right) Apparently she doesn’t have a pulse, huh Well I’ll make it work. Swipe Ooh, don’t you know, that we’re gone girl That we’re falling in, falling in love Oh you know, that it’s love That we’re falling in, baby I’m running outta time, tryna get myself a dime Tryna cross that finish line, unsuccessful in my prime It’s getting critical, like I’m invisible Looking to get physical, end result is pitiful It’s like a modern-day Cinderella But with less magic rats and more casual sex Clean it up Nicky! Ooh, don’t you know, that we’re gone girl That we’re falling in, falling in love Oh you know, that it’s love That we’re falling in, baby What’s wrong with a face-to-face? What’s wrong with a proper date? It’s all about the chase, before ya go for second base What’s wrong with the song-and-dance? What’s wrong with a little romance? Give yourself a fighting chance before you get inside her pants

The obligatory end to the album, a year ago, couldn’t fathom the outcome Check it, Revue II went platinum, gettin’ so damn big, need a magnum Second time around, doing something different, call the censor now, shedding off our innocence Double decker record, ready for the triplicate, that HCP, give ‘em a certificate (Whaddya do? Where do ya go? I wonder what you, have got to show?) Whoever thought back in the 12th grade, that the Hot Chocolate Party would be changin’ the game? (How do ya do? Pleasure to know, end the Revue, it’s time to go) Come on guys, it’s the last track. Let’s get it goin’ again. (HEY) Album of the century? Try the millennium, from Laguna Seca down to the Aquarium From the start, barely filling auditoriums, but that’s the ghost of days past, moratorium Now we working all the way through the valley, Stock, Pebble, LA, all over Cali Now pay attention, 2 and 0, keepin’ tally, this gotta be one fucking hell of a finale Got my shades, cuz my future’s so bright now, the party’s back, so relax, all night now We got it covered, yeah, you know it’s alright now, call us the moon, we on top overnight now Gotta let ya know, in case y’all forgotten, Revue 2’s done, we’ll deliver in the autumn, we Started from the bottom, now we still on the bottom, but stick around and follow or we gonna have a problem Time for the slow down, but I gotta know now, what’ll ya do when the whole thing’s gone? Time for the show down, but I gotta know now, what’ll ya do when I’m all gone? On and on, on and on, on and on and on and on On and on, on and on, on and on and on and on Change the whole damn game with the videos, kill ‘em daily with original material Pretending like we nothing but a zero, just a bunch of smokin’ mirrors, be the hero Since 08, universally adored, you lost in the music, they offer a reward That HCP cannot be ignored, when we roll up to the party in that “91 ACCORD” Time for the slow down, and I gotta know now, what’ll ya do when the whole thing’s gone? Time for the shut down, but I gotta know now, what’ll ya do when I’m all gone? On and on, on and on, on and on and on and on On and on, on and on, on and on and on and on