Ladies and gentlemen We got that Hot Chocolate Party back in the building Nope! We're outside! (Whoops!) We got a PSA coming your way This your boy HOSS on the track, and Vergy Verg Yo, man, we got something to talk to you about, damn right! It’s called the Wii U, and it’s a hell of a machine HD graphics on a fly double screen Revolutionary, (yup) it’s nothing ordinary (yup) Like Link and Zelda man, you know it’s somethin’ legendary (yup) So come on over to my game pad, checkin’ out my Game Pad Mario, Sonic, Pac-Man, you name it, we can play that PS4? More like "P-O-S," cuz now you Got yourself a slightly bigger 3DS, so catch that Wii U fever, forget the non-believers Go turn your system on and post some things inside the Miiverse Don’t listen to the haters, ignore that data Your biggest title is a GameCube remake-ah (remake-ah) Like Koopa Troopa, yeah I’m giving you a gold star Ya know, Nintendo got me singing like a cop car Wii U Wii U Wii, Wii U Wii U Wii Wii U Wii U Wii, alright, come on Yo man, I don’t think they’re sold (Nope) We gotta tell ‘em bout the games make this virtual gold We got Mario Kart (SPRING 2014!) We got that Smash Brothers (LATER IN 2014!) We got Zelda! (Actually, nothing has been confirmed regarding the next Zelda title yet...Apparently, it's like June, but it's been about a year and a half...) I almost forgot! Ladies and gentlemen, we got that E-Shop! E-Shop! We got that Virtual Console! THROWBACK! We got that F-Zero (YUP) We got that Earthbound (YUP) We got that Mario Kart (NOPE) (...) (They got Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 2...) That's right, the original trilogy Mario killing Bowser, taking Peach's virginity (They still haven’t released the 3rd one yet.) (ARE YOU FORREAL?!) (...)

Ladies and gentlemen, turns out the Wii U’s actually pretty cool The year of Luigi might be over, but the era of H-C-P’s just begun!!! 1, 2, 1,2,3,4 Alright you superstars, grab a disc, put it in, press start It’s a game that’s a work of art, and it goes by the name of MARIO KART Gotta tell ya bout this feeling, something that’s got me reeling And it took me a second to realize that I’m driving on the ceiling From Donkey Kong to Toad to Baby Mario With a mushroom made of gold from the Twisted Mansion to Rainbow Road My boy’s Luigi tho, modern-day Houdini tho On a bike, doing wheelies tho, that 150cc flow One of Bowser’s children went and hit me with a green shell But that ain’t right, you know that I’m about to give ‘em hell There’s only one thing you can do when ya shoot ‘em in the air DO THE LUIGI DEATH STARE Alright, that was lots of fun, but ya gotta practice moderation Gotta go do something else, alleviate all my frustration But I didn’t come in last, that’s cause for celebration Let’s hit the town tonight, solidify my reputation It’s time to go, pulling out of my driveway When outta nowhere comes a Jeep doing 90 I pull up next to him and terrify him my way DO THE LUIGI DEATH STARE Hey man, I actually think that could really solve a lot of problems. Yeah I think you’re right. REAL-WORLD APPLICATIONS Walk in the living room, I see my dog, man Tell him to come here, but he doesn’t listen (DEATH STARE) I’m at IKEA picking out myself a desk Somebody also picked the same desk (DEATH STARE) I caved in, and I’m finally watching Shutter Island My asshole roommate told me how it ends (DEATH STARE) Chilling with my buddy, and he makes a racist comment I pause the game and I turn to him — no actually can you make your eyes just a lil bit wider? WHAT? Perfect. Hey guys, I tried that new Mario Kart. I think you’re hyping this Wii U thing up a little too much. Xbox 1, Call of Duty, am I right?

Every generation, there comes along an experience...that transcends the three dimensions of space. This...this isn't really one of those times. Listen up now, girls and boys, it’s time to make some noise Cuz the boys are back, and are gonna rap all about some plastic toys For the Super Smash Bros. sequel, so fun it should be illegal Who needs real life amigos when you got pint-sized Amiibo?? Holy toledo, mannnnn, look at them Amiibo, mannnn Fighting away while I get my ass kicked by Master Hand Stand up, well done Nintendo, a collectible memento What a legacy of NFC, now let the song crescendo All across the world, it ain’t hard to see Why everybody’s crazy for these figurines It’s like I’m living in a neverending dream And the best part is availability I can’t wait to choose from their huge selection Picking out specific ones I want would be perfection It’s the start of a fairly priced collection Of perfectly good AMIIBO! Alright, enough rapping about it, it’s time to go do somethin’ ‘bout it Gotta get another fighter for myself, take it home, make a shrine for it on my shelf I think it’s time to go outside, head down to my local Best Buy Look at ‘em side-by-side, marvel at their supply Head to the Wii U section, and they’re…sold out. OK that kinda killed the energy, but now we’re gonna Check things out at Target which is way across town (ha-ha!) Walk in the store like we owning the place We head right over to the games and they’re…nowhere to be found. This guy is brilliant! Now we’re on our way to Gamestop They’re guaranteed to have some cool exclusives in stock We roll in, and it looks like they’re ALSO OUT! eBay, looking for affordable Amiibo Type the one I’m looking for into the search bar and Eurek-O! There he is, Little Mac, for just FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!

Everybody take a seat, take a listen to the beat, cuz we gotta talk about Nintendo It seems they’re fulfilling dreams with a double screen, did ya get the memo? From the Skylanders to the Rainbow Curse to the Bayonett-o And Yoshi’s Woolly World, haven’t bought it yet but I played the demo Who needs a handheld, man, when the console game is going strong? No New Nintendo 3DS XL Lite Advance song These people know what they’re doing, great games the world is consuming Everything I ever need, cuz every other console ruined Everybody’s off playing Sony Thinking this system is nothing but a fluke (Now everybody saying) Yeah-hhh Wii U, nevermind the reviews So many games to play from Xenoblade to Splatoon You know we love that SUPER MARIO MAKER Yeah, you know we talkin’ ‘bout AMIIBO FESTIVAL (great) The underwhelming graphics of STAR FOX ZERO (delayed) That Christmas sale behemoth title MARIO…TENNIS Hold on, I thought Mario Tennis already came out for the virtual console. No man, they made a whole new Mario Tennis. Really? Yeah. What’s different about it? You get bigger… This kinda sucks, it’s actually underwhelming Whatever happened to games released on time? (Now everybody saying) Why all the remakes? We hate the remakes We don’t want them remakes, please make something new Cuz OH YEAH! GET THIS! Apparently they’re remaking Twilight Princess WHAT! Yeah! WHAT! Yeah! At no point in time has anyone ever said: “I need a 3rd version of Twilight Princess.” No one’s ever said that. What about Majora’s Mask? Now THERE’S an HD remake. OR. HOW ABOUT A NEW ORIGINAL ZELDA GAME! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I think they’re saving it for the NX. Oh, which apparently is coming out next year. OH GREAT. ANOTHER THING TO NEGLECT GOOD THING I BOUGHT THIS FOR A NICE LONG 3 YEARS…