Oh when you wonder where I’ve been after all this time Did it ever cross your mind to look way up in the sky? (In the sky) Oh did you ever think that I could ever come this far Or that I’d walk amongst the planets and the shooting stars in the sky? (In the sky, yeah) Welcome to the party, baby Saw you on that guestlist I promise you tonight will be A night of which you’ll reminisce Forever and ever, meet your aggressor Take a seat and take a beat of this endeavor Brand new adventure, better call the censor Never thought you’d ever get to feel this pleasure Rockin’ it since 2008 Brand new psychological state Ripping up the charts at alarming rates Getting higher than the fucking unemployment rate Now I’m looking for a genre to desecrate Just another top 40 to overplay Got a million fucking egos that I gotta go deflate and then I’ll take over the universe and you’re too late now Hey everybody, Dane-gerous is in your house Bet you never thought I would be in your house They say I’m a curse...so what? Ch- check m- your purse, immerse, then disperse I’m Shakespeare, my dear, so ha! (Alright, come on Dane, wrap it up, no come on) No, no be quiet! It’s still my turn! My voice will glisten, so listen I’m too cool to talk to you...so I won’t! Ladies and gentlemen, Dane Schrader does not appear anywhere else on the rest of this album. I promise you. You’re welcome. Now welcome.

Hey there. How's it going? Yeah, you probably got it real nice all tucked up in your cozy, one-bedroom studio apartment. Yeah, well I got it real rough. Why don't you give this shit a listen? (First World Problems) When I watch TV, can't skip commercials Got no DVR at my dispersal And my phone charger ain't universal Gonna die real soon, gonna see the circles Yeah, I'm hungry for some dinner but I'm low on gas My pots are dirty so I'll have to pass Yo, I'm getting really pissed, gotta kick some ass When I can't find Wi-Fi sitting in class I feel ya, man, cuz my life is rough My new bottle of Sprite, it ain't bubbly enough Tried to eat some O.G. M&M's Turns out they were peanut M&M's My damn cell phone don't have 4G Now I gotta send a text with my phone on "E" Got a new favorite show on my Netflix queue But it just got canned after Season 2 When you got a problem, baby, you gotta solve it baby Damn right resolve it baby (Not my F.W.P.) When you got an issue darling, here's a fucking tissue, darling Gotta just continue, darling (All my F.W.P.) Yo I clogged the toilet at my girlfriend's house Damn, not a good sign for my future spouse Pizza's hot, and I burned my mouth Start swearing like a sailor from the Dirty South My arm got scratched by an innocent dog Still gotta take the little bitch out for a jog I can't find the words to a song online The stupid little box comes up every time This knife won't cut my sirloin steak Everybody can tell my chick's titties are fake The filter's getting dirty, gotta drink from the tap Like a caveman, damn, what the hell is this crap? My wallet's too small for my 20 dollar bills Gotta spend it all on the new wallet it fills Sitting on the can, I forgot my phone What's gonna entertain me in the danger zone? Alright. It's time we better break this shit down. Not everybody knows the type of shit we dealing with on a daily basis. Let's do this, rattle 'em off. Flipped my pillow so I feel the cold But the new side's warm, feel my life unfold Yo I had OJ, then I brushed my teeth And the taste so appalling I can barely breathe And the Wii remote is out of batteries Gotta take the case off to change the batteries The power went out before I saved my game Gotta start fresh, life'll never be the same My grandma liked my Facebook photo Me with red cups and a caption: "YOLO" And I got myself a brand new iPhone 5 But no one's got the charger, gonna watch it die Can't think of a gift that I want for Christmas Gonna start some shit, stick around, bear witness Nope, they don't understand We gotta double down, so do it double time Need a new glass of water cuz the old one's stale And I gotta pay extra for priority mail And the music and the sound effects are louder than dialogue Sound effects stop, can't hear the dialogue Pillow's deflated and it's got a weird shape The only juice box left's artificial grape Yeah, I'm tucked into bed, but I gotta tinkle Yo we gotta hit 'em harder, so let's do it again, come on Hot Pockets are done, they're a billion degrees I can only pick one type of sandwich cheese My house won't show up on Apple maps Too many people at the table, so I can't shoot craps I ain't got no singles for the vending machine Got a sunbeam glare on my laptop screen And I gotta write words for the whole song Hey. I think they got it man. We got it rough. F.W.Peace.

Hanging with a girl on a Sunday night It's a quarter past 9, yeah time is tight Had dinner at Arby's, fine cuisine Yo, check it out, I'm a love machine Got her flowers, got her candy Hope these singles come in handy Think we're heading back to my place Got some candles just in case, so Hour after, in the pool It's getting hot but I play it cool I'm changing clothes, dressed like a tool But when I look down, it was something cruel (SHRINKAGE, BABY) It's a legitimate thing Cuz I just got out of the pool, and it was 40 motherfucking degrees (SHRINKAGE, BABY) Don't be pointing at me Oh I swear to God, don't say a word, or you're walking home now (Stop it- Stop it-) Stop! It's Joel, don't wear it out Name's hard to say when we're making out Single, double, triple hit Whatever base, I don't give a shit Catch her looking, catch her peeping Just pretend that i was sleeping Waiting for her to make a move Whatever she's thinking, I approve Wondering when the moment's right Just hope that moment comes tonight My eyes are on the minute hand Until I reach that promised land Finally, she says hello But apparently the lights were low I thought she was pretty up to now But damn, this chick's got a unibrow (SHRINKAGE, BABY) This never happens to me You were good from afar but far from good, and I'm sorry but I misunderstood (SHRINKAGE, BABY) It's a natural thing, cuz you Went from a treat down to a trick, and unfortunately that's shrinking me quick (WOAH-OH-OHH) It's something automatic (WOAH-OH-OHH) It's something so erratic (WOAH-OH-OHH) It's something problematic (WOAH-OH-OHH) It's something so traumatic (Yeah, that's right, OK, here I go) When you're talking with a woman on the Internet and killing it You're chilling on the Mike & Molly message board and feeling it You try to bag a hottie, get a picture of her body, then you Find out she's a dude (SHRINKAGE) Going on a date and everything is going great and so You wanna get the check and now it's getting kinda late and so You go back to her pad and now you're getting kinda mad cuz You were forced to watch the View (SHRINKAGE) Eating a banana and you're hanging with your nana And you're watching NFL with Cincinnati and Atlanta And your grandpa waddles in and gets on over to your nana And they start to get it on (SHRINKAGE) Hanging with the fellas, and your shorty's getting jealous Cuz you're watching UFC and you are getting overzealous So she takes your buddy's sack and goes to lead him to the back And then she cheats on you three times (SHRINKAGE, BABY) It's not a problem, you see Cuz it's tough sometimes, but you gotta know that I can't always be good down below (SHRINKAGE, BABY) Don't be hating on me Cuz it's just a roll of quarters in my pocket, girl, what else could it be? (WOAH-OH-OHH) It's something so sporadic (WOAH-OH-OHH) So please don't talk about it (WOAH-OH-OHH) No need to get dramatic (WOAH-OH-OHH) I said don't talk about it HCP at it again. Ha! That shit's mountaintops. (Shrinkage...)

(Sometimes, you gotta pay respect to the women that give you life And other times, you gotta pay respect to the women that give those women life So quit your knitting and get to listening, yo Ken Neely, show 'em how it's done) From the Great Depression to World War II There was never anybody quite as special as you Call up Edward R. Murrow, I got news to run tomorrow baby (Everybody spread the word, you'll always be my early bird) From Grover Cleveland to JFK With you around, nana, life's a cabaret, well Hey there, Mr. Cronkite, i got your story tonight (Everybody have you heard? You'll always be my early bird) So amazing, when you arrive, I gotta grovel You're so thrilling, Grandma, like a Sue Grafton novel She say L is for lawless, I say L is for Love But I can't help it, nana, you were sent from above Breakfast at 7, lunch at 11, and dinner at 3 You know that you're my favorite branch on our family tree Your beauty brings me to my knees, now I'm FDR (Unnh) And I'm looking for my Eleanor Tuning up the Model T, I'll take you to a talkie Do some scrapbooking, do some puzzles as a hobby Checking out your threads, cuz I love that polyester Mall-walking tracksuit, you look like Sue Sylvester In a good way, cuz we can gab and Reminisce about the old days (Unnh) Cuz like propecia, girl, I need ya, and I'll feed ya, and I'll read to ya Cuz you're my Debbie Reynolds, girl, I'm singin' in the rain! From the Civil War to the Constitution For you, there will never be a substitution Call up the local papers, go and wake up all your neighbors now (Everybody spread the word, you'll always be my early bird) From Buddy Holly to Lil' Wayne If I ever lost you, I would go insane, so Let us all celebrate, there's no time to hesitate (Everybody have you heard? You'll always be my early bird) It's time to break it down, I got a new confession Cuz if I lost you, Grandma, it'd be my Great Depression I'll pay for swimming lessons over at the country club I'll be there to help you when you've fallen and you can't get up I start to laugh when I get thinkin' bout all our adventures Like when we ate at Olive Garden, you forgot your dentures You ask if we can watch some M*A*S*H? Well it depends Cuz I got things to do like get your meds and your Depends You offer me a ride, I'll have to pass While you be driving, I'll be walking, get there twice as fast Cuz while I love when you go 30 in that 50 zone I think you'll be having fun driving out all on your own What was it like watching Lincoln free the slaves? What was it like when they started radio waves? You've seen it all, seen a good chunk of history Why are you so perfect, Grandma? That remains a mystery Now I know what the G in G'ma stands for Betty White ain't got nothing on you...Damn!

Fixing up my necktie, what a sad, sad day No more tears that I could cry, no more words that I could say On this gloomy morning, oh my uncle passed away But the only thing to cheer me up is to wear my denim shorts today Wear my denim shorts today, yeah, wear my denim shorts today Don't need no money or my friends, I'll just wear my denim shorts today Woke up this morning all alone, there's a knocking on my door Turns out it's an eviction notice, can't live in here no more So I go outside and it starts to rain, oh the pain won't go away But that don't matter, that's just fine, cuz I'm wearing denim shorts today Wearing denim shorts today, yeah, wearing denim shorts today Don't need no shelter, food, or air, cuz I'm wearing denim shorts today Oh, my baby doll, she left me Oh, my baby say she's gone She said she can't go out with me in public, no, no "It's either me or the denim," she said, and I can't choose My sweetie pie, she gives me kisses when I'm down But my denim shorts, they show off my package so well The decision of a lifetime, and I can't make up my mind But in my heart, I know just what I need Denim shorts, ooh yeah, my denim shorts, gotta have my Denim shorts, wearing my denim shorts, oh baby Denim shorts, gotta have my denim shorts, my precious Denim shorts, oh yeah, yeah, yeah (Oh I know just what I need, oh-oh-ohh, I know just what I need, girl it's all my denim shorts, my denim shorts for me) My denim shorts, yeah, yeah, my denim shorts won't go My baby girl don't treat me like my denim shorts do Cuz they treat me well

Roll out of my bed and greet the sunshine in the sky And I know, I know, I know, I know it's getting bright (It's getting bright, it's getting bright) Looking at my phone and not a contact in my sight But I know, I know, I know, I know that it's alright (It's quite alright, OK, now) Turning on the Notebook at 1:30 in the afternoon (The tears are streaming down your face, as Noah gets to second base) But everything is better when I sing this tune No reason to complain and no reason to explain why I'm making meals for one, I'm the only one in this life parade I'm sitting in the shade of this tree with roots of shame and I somehow lose the game when I sit at home and play charades I find sun in my clouds of gray, and I wear shorts on a rainy day Don't need no one to hold me down, cuz it's my Independence Day I find sun in my clouds of gray, and I wear shorts on a rainy day Don't need no one to hold me back on my precious Independence Day Riding on a tandem bike at the boardwalk by the bay As I pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal pain away (The pain is gone, the pain is gone) Eating every single meal at the endless lunch buffet Oh I'll nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble cares away (Just let 'em go away now) Playing on the seesaw with all of my imaginary friends (There's not much playing going on, sitting on the ground, your friends are gone) But everything gets better when I just pretend Buy this teddy bear to entertain me in the carpool lane (You've got a passenger, too bad it's not a bachelor now) Buy myself a Snuggie so I have something to hold at night Yeah, it's alright, yeah, yeah That's right, nobody's gonna hold me back. It's my day...really, it's my day... Whew, OK, got it...yup.

OK. So. I've been working really, really hard on this, and I'm really excited to show you guys, so...you have to be, like, perfectly honest on how it sounds, OK? Because I've worked really hard, but I really wanna know the truth on how it sounds, OK? So...promise? Promise? OK. (That's really cool she made her own beat. I know) ...What do you think?

Yo, Meg, that didn't sound very good, so sit on down, let's show you how this shit is done (1, 2, 3, 4) Yup bitch, Mr. Y's in the building 6 minutes late, job's unappealing Brewing beans at $8 an hour Getting lip from the preteen girl in power Hold up, it's that magical time of the week Getting paid for my undeniable technique So I'm chilling on high, making stacks on stacks Yeah you bitches better know that's after income tax too Water bills (you makin' that money) Them gas bills (you makin' that money) Electricity bills (you makin' that money) Them heating bills (you makin' that money) Cable bills (you makin' that money) Garbage bills (you makin' that money) Telephone bills (you makin' that money) Insurance bills (you makin' that money) Woah, baby, I'm on a payday, it's time I'm gonna take you out on the town tonight You can get whatever sandwich you want girl I got this coupon, 2-for-1 tonight, live it up Time for a little CJ shake It's $3.97 with tax, give or take We can split it girl, just like two tens Gonna drink it down smooth and drive dirty in the Benz Just kidding, it's a '91 Honda Accord With a dent in the side, a whip that I can afford Take the party back to my parent's basement That's the only way I'm living down low, baby face it Woah, baby, I'm on a payday, it's time I'm gonna take you out on the town tonight We can split this rum and coke at the bar, girl I hope that you can tip the man tonight, forgot my wallet Gotta start my day with generic cereal Nothing out of reach in my world material Got a couple of chains that ain't made of platinum Not gold or bronze, cubic zirconium When I hit the club, no VIP Gotta throw me out, ASAP Can't afford it girl, I ain't got no ring No I ain't got a thang Woah, baby, I'm on a payday, it's time I'm gonna take you out on the town tonight Gonna spend the night at TGI Friday's, don't worry baby 2-for-1 tonight, so eat up honey

Ahh...so seductive...alright. You know this one goes out to the man, the myth, the legend...Mr. Brian Kiely. Turn me up. Hey kids, sit down, let me spin you a tale With narration and locations of a global scale It's the everlasting ballad of this guy named Bri With the moral of the story being swallow your pride Page one, little baby in his mother's arms Page two, womanizer with the looks and the charm Now the boss is living happy in his only little world But pay attention to the story, it's about to unfurl Kiely drops out of school to pursue his dreams Now he's living on the streets at the age of sixteen Living with enthusiasm busting out of the seams, and now It's time that we blow that excitement to smithereens Now, granted, Kiely's giving it the college try But that's hard when you fail out of junior high And it seems a sad ending to the story's implied But don't you worry, cuz our hero's gonna get out alive It's a quarter past 11 on the 4th of July And Kiely's life is passing by him in the blink of an eye When out of nowhere comes a figure in the shadows of night Her pretty face illuminated by explodable light Now from the looks of it, the pretty girl's been shedding a tear So Mr. Kiely tells the girl to get on over here He said "I'm stuck on you" and the meaning was clear Cuz you could be his Matt Damon, he's your Greg Kinnear So the days rolled by, and they turned into weeks As the two became a pair of lovable geeks And now our buddy's getting lucky as she's playing for keeps And giving kisses every night before they falling asleep So Mr. Kiely's got a Mrs. and they're always together In his arms, that's where the girl wants to be forever If she could, he'd let her, so now let's turn to Page three, he's got everything he wanted And I fall, yes I fall, yes we're falling, falling And I fall, yes I fall, yes we're falling in love Page four, fast forward to the lows of life Kiely's settled down, saddled with an angry wife And the two of them were popping out a couple of kids And the marriage getting rocky, life is hitting the skids Now Kid Kiely's getting drunk and hitting casinos Cuz the parents both white, but the baby's Latino And now he's got violent tendencies Pacino, Tarantino, Clint in Gran Torino, and blasting Childish Gambino Then our hero took a chance and fell in love with a whore And then she took all of his money and she walked out the door So now our buddy's flat broke like Hostess cupcakes Things are getting sad but Kiely's slow on the uptake He takes all of his change and invests in Enron That didn't go well and now he works at Chevron, Techron He's going door to door with Teflon Watching romantic comedies by Nora Ephron Mr. Kiely's in the gutter where the story began Begging for change on the street, collecting soda cans He got a box called home, and a newspaper blanket Drinking day old beer with a french fry banquet Now I told y'all Kiely's gonna get out alive And that's true, see I promised that I never lie So that's the story of the man, myth, legend, the Boss Now play us out, Ms. Amanda, signing off, I'm Hoss There you go, the Ballad of Brian Kiely So let's give a shoutout to Brian Hugh You know the whole damn world's so proud of you That's it. That's all I gotta say on the matter

OK, boys and girls Got a pop song here, gonna give it a whirl Auto tune on, rule of thumb Sound good so far, but I need some drums Thinking inappropriate subject matter Cuz everyone's oddly obsessed with Mick Jagger Something vague about hitting the club And how I look like such a stud (Drop a beat now) Downing that Jack and Coke (Jack and Coke) Telling them dirty jokes (Dirty jokes) Checking out all the folks (All the folks) Now do it again, hit 'em again, come on Chillin' in VIP (VIP) Everyone looking at me (Looking at me) Staying up till the clock strikes 3 (strikes 3) Now everybody get on the floor because I said so Everybody's buying this song, came out a year ago Different title, different artist, same 4 chords Generic Pop Song baby tonight Take it out, now bring it back Gotta get this pop song back on track Got pulsing drums on all 4 beats Cuz otherwise, girls can't move their feet Falling in love with that 4/4 meter The #1 way to get your song on repeat-er Legally bound to say something 'bout Gucci So I can get free shit and look real douche-y Getting down in a club (In a club) Getting that rub-a-dub (Rub-a-dub) Then we go to a pub (To a pub) (Oh my God, what's a pub?) Sorry Rocking them denim shorts (Denim shorts) Showin' 'em no remorse (No remorse) Ladies wanna ride me like a horse (like a horse) Flashing lights, expensive alcohol, unnecessary jewelry Henna tattoos, unnatural hair color, and...body glitter Bass is pounding, give 'em more After all, that's what y'all come here for Changing the beat so we can call this EDM for a whole new audience And nothing says "Sexy" or "Role model" quite like a Coked up, shaved head, no-talent hack With a massive plastic ass

Ooh, baby There's something I gotta tell ya I think you should come over tonight You know I'm gonna try to compel ya I guarantee that you're gonna have a good time, yeah (Yeah we're gonna have a good time) And I guarantee that you were the first in line (But don't quote me on that, baby) So put that champagne in your mouth Come on over and sit on my couch Don't worry 'bout the other guy in the room Just helping to set the mood I could make us some salad With tomatoes, perhaps a crouton Something light to eat for later When we move it onto my futon, baby When it's cold outside, and you wanna come hide In the arms of a sexy man Come knocking at my door, don't worry anymore Cuz I'll do the best I can To treat you right girl, call you mine girl Till the next morning when you leave, Girl #5 #5 on my speed dial, and #5 in my heart Ooh, baby There's something you gotta know The way your high heels click on my sidewalk Making me tingly down below I guarantee that it's gonna get a little weird, yeah (Gonna get a little freaky) And I guarantee in the morning, I'ma disappear, yeah (Michael-Man getting sneaky) So, baby, if it's all the same Get yourself ready for that walk of shame Bring some money to catch a taxi So you can sleep the whole way home in the backseat Keep your phone on darling For that late night invitation Don't think about it honey, and just be happy that I took you into consideration When it's cold outside, and you wanna come hide In the arms of a sexy man Come knocking at my door, don't worry anymore Cuz I'll do the best I can To treat you right girl, call you mine girl Till the next morning when you leave, Girl #5 The 4 girls right before you passed So I'ma gonna need you to bring that ass At this point, I'd like to invite Mr. Nicholas Agee to the forefront Why don't you break out that Target-brand Starcaster stock guitar And lay something down for all the ladies to get excited about Come on! When it's cold outside, and you wanna come hide In the arms of a sexy man Come knocking at my door, don't worry anymore Cuz I'll do the best I can To treat you right girl, call you mine girl Till the next morning when you leave, Girl #5 Stick around, Girl #5 Don't make me call Girls #6 through 9, yeah

'91 Accord, '91 Accord 1990- 1990- '91 Accord R-r-rusted rims and deer dents in the side R-r-rusted rims and deer dents in the side 4 wheels, 5 seats, 20 to the gallon Champagne paint job, calling it the Crystallion Lamborghini? Mercy, there's no challenge Got it better than all the bitches that go Italian Tape deck, no CDs Where's your subwoofer, Mike? (Bitch please) 22 years old, out of warranties But I don't need 'em since I'm rolling with the Japanese Driving out at night, I got my brights on Cuz ever since I hit that deer, my right light's gone Got a light and dark side, Black Swan I got the finest whip you ever laid your eyes on You don't see 'em quite like this anymore Who needs butterflies when you got a 4-door? Listen as that V2 engine roars As it revs with the power of 11 horses Sunroof down Bumping Hall & Oates as I'm riding through downtown Dirty windshield, straight out the impound Left speaker's blown, no surround sound Brake pads gone, metal on metal No cruise control, I got my foot on the pedal Bread crumbs on the floor, man, Hansel & Gretel All the haters sit down and fucking gimme a medal for my I can't afford to not record, so don't be floored With my reward of a 1991 Honda Accord

Way back in 2008 We were just four dumb kids chilling in Spanish 2 Me, Brian, Cory, and Dane It was the end of the year And we had to make an epic adventure film entirely in Spanish Called "El Reino de la Corrupcion" (Look it up) So Cory Jones played Ignaci-ay Michaelman played Pancho, Dane, Jefe And Brian showed up with the Courvoisier As they went 'round filming "El Reino de" Trying to get back the precious "El Desodorante" Turn the final project in to Senorita J Now we waiting for the grade, yeah we hoping for an "A" And guess what? We fucking nailed it So afterwards, we're all sitting around Desma going on and on, telling us about How this is one of the finest student films she's ever seen And we'd never really done anything like this before So we looked at each other at the same time thinking, "You guys wanna do this forreal?" So that summer's when it all began From "Hey There Delilah" to the Killers' "Spaceman" And the videos we making get in high demand Once we started making videos to Maroon 5's "Hands All Over" Even in Pebble Beach we made boulders Steamrolling over all these posers Motherfuckers looking over their shoulders So what the hell comes next?