A wise old soul once told us all
That there absolutely is no place like home
That doesn’t really apply to this situation
But I thought it was a clever way to start, so let’s begin it
Everybody’s got a bit of hometown pride and mine’s
Surrounded by water that’s as blue as the sky
But that’s not sayin’ much, cuz the sky’s always gray
No change between winter and a cold summer day

A land of opportunity, a place you can thrive
And have to fend for yourself, cuz everything closes at 5
And you can get arrested for crossing the street wrong
Or publicly performing your own stomping ground love song
And golf is mandatory
Don’t avoid it, a crime on par with statutory
Postcard kingdom, for newlyweds and nearly-deads
It’s hard to comprehend, the only place on earth I’d recommend

From the Boardwalk to the Grove
It’s the place that I call home
And if it all came crashing down tomorrow
The 8-3-1’ll take me back with open arms

Yes, the population is overwhelmingly senior
An Early Bird-emic, with aggressive demeanors
Yes every one of ‘em’s an Ebenezer Scrooge
Upset that our big claim to fame is Turner and Hooch
And the strip clubs are different, yes everyone knows
The gentlemen flock to see the women put on more clothes
The bars are nonexistent, prohibition’s still legal
Our municipal pastime’s hunting down bald eagles

Yes, the Central Coast is certainly unique
The county’s biggest exports are colonial antiques
And the education systems are admittedly flawed
Entire majors are devoted to identity fraud
But I love it though
From the DMP way out to Fort Ord
Cuz in the long run, I know this bay’s the right one
And I know where I’ll end up when I am all done, 8-3-1

From the Boardwalk to the Grove
It’s the place that I call home
And if it all came crashing down tomorrow
The 8-3-1’ll take me back with open arms