Pretty lady (pretty lady)
You're walking in the club
You got me walking on your left side
But your boyfriend's on the right side
And there's no one on my left side
So I'm just walking alongside you

(Cuz the two of you are dating...and I have absolutely no one)

Kinda crazy (kinda crazy)
Say a third wheel's what makes it a tricycle
Take it away, and what do you got?
Got yourself a bicycle
Which they say really only needs two wheels
So I guess you're doing fine

(No, really, you go have fun. I'll just cry into my daiquiri here at the bar)

(Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number
(Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover
(Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club

(They call me GoodYear ironically, cuz I haven't had a date in over 18 months)

Maybe maybe (maybe maybe)
There's a reason why they call it a tripod
Three legs for a steady base
Take one away, tell you what you got
You only got those two legs, just like a...
...uh...human

(That also was a terrible analogy that did not help my cause in any way)

(Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number
(Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover
(Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club

(Constantly riding the bitch seat in this cramped car of love)

Wait a tic. This girl's looking at me. Oh my god, this girl's actually looking at me. OK now she's actually coming over, OK, alright, alright, Hoss, just be cool, just be cool...w- wait. Where's she going? Oh. OK, so, she's actual-- she's looking at her friend, that's-- an--Oh, and they're lesbians. OK.

(Ahhhh) Talking about the magic number
(Ahhhh) Tagging along without a lover
(Ahhhh) Third wheel literally rolling up to the club

(This one goes out to all you third wheels out there. Just want you to know that you're not alone.

Well...actually, you kinda are, that's... That's like the whole reason why you're the third wheel to begin with, but... Um... You get what I'm trying to say. Alright)